I’m in love. I’m in love with many things. The renewed and vibrant community that has suddenly sprung up right before my eyes. And the lovely dalliances with some of my heroes that I recently learned were actually just PEOPLE too. I will not hide that I am talking about David Stuart and Sheena McCormack and Pat Cash, on Pat what a blinder to have a buddy who inspires you from his truth and raw innocence all tainted with naughtiness… WATCH OUT FOR PAT.
I fell in love very recently. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want to. He has a boyfriend. They live together and they seem happy. It’s an open situation with them. And I celebrate everyone’s own definition of themselves and their love. I honestly really do. But with this situation I had a problem. If I were in an open relationship (FYI – Don’t think I could be….I have insecurity and worth and anxiety issues. I’m not strong enough for that)
If I were in an open relationship I think I would be cool with my boyfriend fucking other people. But what I wouldn’t be cool with is my boyfriend developing an emotional attachment and investment in another person. I would be uncomfortable with that. But that is what has happened. We fell asleep on the sofa – this is about heart not cock.
I have fallen in love with Pablo. And Pablo isn’t even his real name. I made a choice to hide him from the craziness that is my life right now.
But I fell and I fell hard and why????? I’ll tell you…
My heart was wrapped up and hidden away as damaged goods…to be rolled out in a cheap sale…..But then he came along and made my heart dance. As a billed performer….not the broken thing to get rid of….
I watch him editing video clips and so I can see how his mind works….and it is quite simply – BEAUTIFUL. I see him absorb life and process it and then spit it out as a more beautiful and deeper version. I see him do this and my heart swells.
Then he did something even more beautiful than that he took care of me and my friends. On the night we first got it on….he had just walked one of my drunk friends to the tube because he wanted to make sure that my drunk friend got home safe. On the same night he bought me a dead and browning rose….from a street seller…his reason was simple…. I wanted to give you something…. this rose is red…the only red one she had…the rest were pink…You’re not a pink kinda guy… You are RED. And also this one was dying and off. She probably would have had to throw it away, so I wanted to help her and help you too by giving you this specific rose. Cus I kinda knew you would love this one the most…….
OMFG + I almost fucking cried a river
Yep…I’m in love. Nope…I don’t wanna be…am I frightened… YES
Am I doing it anyway – YES