A Big Fucking Bang

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A Big Fucking Bang – “Beginnings” at Let’s Talk About Gay Sex And Drugs

“It is widely believed that about 14 billion years ago, the entire universe was inside a bubble that was thousands of times smaller than a pinhead. It was hotter and denser than anything we can imagine.

Then it suddenly exploded.

The universe that we know was born. Time, space and matter all began with The Big Bang. In a fraction of a second, the universe grew from smaller than a single atom to bigger than a galaxy. And it kept on growing at a fantastic rate. It is still expanding today.”

So there’s the ultimate beginning in a few short sentences. Now, wouldn’t it make sense that if that is where we came from that that is how we still exist?

No longer just protons and neutrons that have come together to form atoms but whole actual bodies. Bodies of people.

So if we also know that energy can not be created or destroyed – only changed. Let me put this to you…stick with me….

This is a new beginning for me. And I know a lot of you here tonight are embarking on new beginnings too. But I can only speak for me.

This time last year I was escorting – occasionally. I wasn’t a very good hooker. My clients would be like “Come here” “Do this” “Do that” and I’d be like “I don’t think so” – The guy would be like “But I’m paying you” – “I don’t give a shit”. Like I said…I wasn’t a great hooker.

I was running drugs – so you can call me a drug dealer if you choose. I was also slamming crystal meth and Mephadrone – so you can call me a junkie if you like. So that’s what I was. Fair and square. I’m standing in front of you this evening as what I am now. Let’s pause a moment.

If you even for a split second, winced or cringed at any of the declarations I’ve just made or instinctively judged me – ever so slightly. I just want to say that’s OK. That’s actually what I wanted.

Today I know who I am for the first time in a very long time.

I don’t really know ‘what’ I am. But I don’t think we need to know the ‘what’ if we know the ‘who’.

It’s always other people that ask us to define ourselves or take it upon to themselves to try to define us.

But there are actually very few differences between me today and the me of a year ago. I’m going to tell you what those differences are…

A little bit of support and a little bit of encouragement in the right direction.

So you might now be asking how can just a little bit of anything make such huge differences? So to go back to The Big Bang. Do you know how perfect that situation had to be in order for that ‘bang’ to happen? The density, the temperature, the concentration? If you research it in depth, if any of those factors had have been off by just a tiny, tiny, tiny fraction of a percentage then The Big Bang would never have happened. We wouldn’t be here.

So now you’re like that’s great – wooooo science. But I don’t think that’s just science. I think that’s people too.

Someone once told me “There’s no such thing as luck. Luck is meeting every opportunity in life as fully prepared as you can be.”

All of us can be part of someone else’s personal preparation, by offering a little bit of support or encouragement in the right direction – do it.

We sometimes call it being kind. So next time you’re at a chill out or a party or anywhere with a rent boy, a drug dealer or a slamming junkie. Allow yourself that moment of judgement – it’s natural but then chose how you act upon those gut feelings.

You can be a cunt or you can be kind.

If you’re kind – your little bit of impact might very well line that person up for their very own big bang. A series of events that blasts open a whole universe of new beginnings, of opportunities, of learning and hopefully of love. Everyone deserves those things. My little bit of kindness came from this event (Let’s Talk About Gay Sex And Drugs) and in no small part David Stuart and 56 Dean street and you guys. I’m very grateful. Let’s gift it on.

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3 thoughts on “A Big Fucking Bang

  1. Have enjoyed reading your articles last year and look forward to more this year, love your honesty with your colourful past, love kindness….hate cunts….literally !! xx

    Like

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